Hospice isn't all bad, it's actually quite nice!

When I heard that so and so was on hospice, I thought they were knocking at Death's door.  I now know differently.  The last couple of days have been wonderful!  As my body has rid itself of all of the toxic chemotherapy that has been circulating in it for the last 9 months, I have begun to feel much better.   My new pain medicines actually relieves ALL of my pain!  I haven't been totally pain free in years!  This is simply amazing to me.  I didn't think such a thing would be possible.  My new pain medicine also doesn't make me as tired as my other pain medicine.  

My doctor has also added Ritalin to help me have more energy.  I have taken it the last 2 days, and let me tell you, it works!  I have energy.  I am feeling almost normal the last couple of days.  

It struck me tonight, that this is just the calm before the storm.  I know this feeling good is only temporary, and what will follow is not so pleasant.  I really don't want to die.  I shed tears tonight at the thought of leaving my children motherless.  It has been a miracle that I have felt like my old self, and it saddens me that my kids have missed out on this for so long.  It also grieves me to know that my condition won't last.  I know that I have a terminal illness, but I don't want to die.  I wish I could wake up tomorrow and just be cancer free.  

I just encourage everyone to remember that every day is indeed a gift.  Treasure each moment that you have with your loved ones.  Don't take one minute for granted.  Hug and kiss your family members, tell them you love them every single day.